I don’t wish to die at the hands of disease or illness. A sad death is not one I am after. I wish to die in a realm of giants, impaled by a giant gum stalactite fallen from the underside of a giant table. Smashing my skull, sliding past each section of my spinal chord and drilling out through my pelvis, momentarily giving the illusion of a huge bubblegum penis.
Anonymous asked: How many different girls have you had sex with?
Only a handful. Females don’t really enjoy my company that much I don’t think haha.
theoriginaljackass asked: If you only had one day left on Earth, and you could only tell one person to tongue your onions, who would it be and why?
If this means what I think it means then my answer is Lights.
some cool pix
“tim can i borrow your pc?”
*deletes porn from most visited tabs*
*replaces with job search page*
*waits for dad to be proud*
Anonymous asked: Got any heroin? (I guess pot really IS a gateway drug)
Nah, too scared of needles!
Anonymous asked: I might need to make it a bit clearer, sorry. I meant, do you think a guy would not date a girl or have a relationship with her based on the pure fact she's a virgin? I mean, do guys want a girl who is experienced enough before they pursue a relationship with them?
Yes, I think a guy would not date a girl because she is a virgin. I think deep down, Isla Fisher’s character in Wedding Crashers has put a little worry inside a lot of men’s minds. Whether or not the guy lets that thought hinder his moving a friendship forward to a relationship, it comes down to the individual. But yes, there will be guys out there that will not date a girl because she is a virgin.
Anonymous asked: I need an honest guys opinion. Is it really such a turn off if a girl your age is a virgin?
I wouldn’t really call it a turn off, but more of a frustration. And before you flood your brain with the thought that at the end of the day all guys want is to do is finger a vagina with their penis, remember, guys have the ability to want to have sex with a person because they genuinely like them, and it can hard on the guy (sorry, can’t miss a good dick joke). If you like a guy and want to have sex with him, and think its going to happen in the future, you might as well do it. (Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear)
My mission is to find a female, so wish me all of the luck.
I’m pretty sick of perpetually not having a female to be close with; physically, mentally and emotionally. It’s hard to see everyone around me get that, while I’m left thumb wrestling myself while I wait for games to load as I kill time sitting on the toilet.
Someone to hang out with, to do things with, to go places with.
Someone without unrealistic expectations.
Someone to act 5 years old with.
Someone to listen to my shit jokes.
SOMEONE TO EAT THE GREEN AND ORANGE SOUR WORMS SO THEY DON’T GO TO WASTE.
It’s very warm and soft, but waking up spooning a pillow with the open end of the pillowcase down near my twig and giggleberries every night isn’t as fun as it sounds. I want someone else’s heartbeat, not my own faint beats coursing through the fabric of my pillowcase. Surely I’ve earned that by now.
Here’s a picture of an Ocelot kitten:
vonbunnie asked: I once stuck a bean bag ball up my nose and in an attempt to get it out I only pushed it up higher. It required surgery to remove it. Just thought you should know.
Haha, why didn’t you just blow it out?!
I’m pretty good at telling people I don’t usually spend time with that I want to hang out one on one and genuinely meaning it which is hard for me but when it comes down to actually spending time with the people like I want to be able to do I just can’t really do it. I know how to hang out with my 5-6 friends but I don’t know how to hang out with anyone else. I don’t know what you want to do, what you want to talk about. I’m good at not saying much, looking at stuff, and spilling food on my everywhere. So if that fits with you we could probably be pals sometime maybe.
Are your hands stressed? Angry? Struggling to cope with the mental anguish that comes with day-to-day existence? Well, we’ve got the cure for you!
solid game of lemons @ineedadinger @ineedagobby @ineedathreesome @ineedatittyfuck @ineedawristie @fcuk_slts